I got chris browned last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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