OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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