So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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