I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
