i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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