Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize