woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
