girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
