We named our party play list daddy issues
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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