The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
