I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
