What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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