I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
