New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
