Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
