You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
