He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
