I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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