I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize