He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
