Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
