Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize