i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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