Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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