Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
