Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
