I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
