god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
