My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
