We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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