I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
