people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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