At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
