I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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