i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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