At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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