I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
