So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize