After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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