i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
