i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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