I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
