we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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