Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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