dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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