it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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