i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
