Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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