My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
