just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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