I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
