I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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