Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
