She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
