At least make sure they are 18
Why
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
