Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
