I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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