Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize