i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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