I can text with my tongue
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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