At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize