I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
