Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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