no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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