those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just cropdusted the office
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
