I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
