So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
