im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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