Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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