jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
