i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
