So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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