Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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