We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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