Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
