I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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