My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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