So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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