Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do herpes really smell.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
