If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
