So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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