I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
