There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I believe in your delicious
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize