All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
