just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
