drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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