never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
